The Beauty Myth

 or to Grey or not to Grey?  I have come to the conclusion that it is much easier to be blase about beauty issues when you are not actually experiencing them. Ever heard yourself say to a teen or a 'tween' 'dont worry about that zit, it will go away if you leave it alone', meanwhile forgetting that their whole world feels as if it will spin off its axle if it does not shrivel up and die NOW................

Well I want to know where the hell is the Justice in this world????
Last night as I was (for the squeamish get out NOW) squeezing a PMT zit & pondering the cruelty of hormones, being currently blessed with both wrinkles AND pimples.... I spotted my first GREY hair......in the words of a dear slightly deranged (in a lovely way) friend, "what the F is that all about???".

....actually being much cooler than I and not caring what people think she would have said Fcuk.

And spelt it properly too.

And its not JUST grey, its about an inch long and pure white, just on my cowlick. Great.  I WAS just thinking about how I should be at one with the universe and love myself for who I am, embracing my inner hippy and matching my hairstyle to my legs......leaving them alone for the greatest part ( sorry TMI) but that was when I wasn't a 36ish year old with a grey hair. 

I am now, as insistently as I try to avoid the topic with myself, becoming introspective about the whole thing, wondering if the window to my youth is slowly closing, good god WILL I EVER LEARN TO SURF???

My mini meltdown occured at about 10pm last night after my nightly bathroom rituals (hardcore here, sorbolene and water lol) and I was SHOCKED yes dear reader(anyone there?), SHOCKED that my husband didn't even rate my ranting with a put down of his book and rollover to check it out.  He could have LIED and told me it was just a blonde hair (which I know would look rather silly on dark brown hair but would sound more soothing).  AND the mere fact he had had a tooth pulled yesterday and was in a 'mood' is no excuse. 

In a moment of insanity I even wondered aloud if it made me look more, as my daughter puts it 'extinguished'.  YIKES.  It opens all kinds of questions....like, if i decide to go natural, does that mean that any stray nipple hairs get to stay aswell? 

I suddenly understand the obsession with youth elixirs.....but I am too lazy to bother myself, that and my belief that the money spent on one small starlets looks could support a small country.

As  I was just starting to really sulk and wonder if I had left my youthful days behind...... and how many had I wasted by being modest, I hopped into bed, sober, with a hot wheat bag for my achey back and cradling my cup of 'lady grey' tea, deliciously tucked into my current book, 'Diary of a Frech Herb Garden'.

Sigh, guess I answered my own question.

The Monster House....

I think we have bought a house......???????? stay tuned, havent sold ours yet tho, so will be VERY much in debt ;(... its a bit of a monstrosity, but it is big and very cheap and we did want a doerupper...... kids love it, it has a lot of nooks and crannies (and retro lino lol) and is close to everything. No room for a blackfaced sheep here tho ;(

...........................so dear readers no elranchoryan, more like un petite du ranchoryan (sp?! sorry lol)

....but it is warm and has a lot of character inside...and I CAN have chooks and grow veges and live 15 nmins away from some of the best beaches in the world......happy dance.

Did I mention cheap??????????????????????????????

Windy weather, Random thoughts and chocolate drops.....

I am rellishing the grey wet windy weather, throwing its weight around in the huge Jacaranda tree I can see from our back sunroom, where I sit now and type.  The horizon is just beautiful (memo to self post pics~!) a kaleidoscope of green hugging the river which snakes through the town....only the distant rumble of trucks reminds me I am not from a scene in Tess of the D'urbevilles......  

I am feeling so helpless in so many ways but have surrended myself to the will of the universe, or as I like to think of her 'Mother Nature'.....and have to have faith that She has good things in store for us here.  We fell to this place randomly like an autumn leaf being blown and tumbled through the air on a gust of wind.  Every time I think things are settling it whooshes me up again and, though I will say not for the worse at all, things change a little before they settle again. 

The squids are settling very nicely and making a lot of new friends, and infact are at a friend's place for a play right now, brave Mum......4 rowdy kids and wet weather makes for a tough playdate ;)

As much as I try to remember that we were coming to this region for the coast and the work there, I can feel myself being drawn into the life here, not unpleasantly, just surprisingly.....I have found a beautiful little acreage, which is wooded and slopes down to its very own lilly and duckfilled pond, am dreaming of the neighbouring kangaroos and kookaburra's which come to say hi everytime I venture down for ANOTHER look just to be .....sure, I guess that this IS what I want.........but when I turn the sweeping corner to the place tugging at my heart, I feel like I am at home already.  Fingers crossed they dont sell it before we sell our house ;)

I was driving home from work today, I am working as a Physio Aide at the new Nursing Home, and am loving it, am also playing Robinson Crusoe (Girl Friday) with the office and feel, as corny as it sounds, ALIVE.  I dont feel used and overworked as I have let myself be in the past.  I now recognise that I let that happen, it wasn't about external forces at all.

I feel humbled by the universe for trusting me to look after these people.  ......This is my new mantra, and I need to remind myself how lucky I am to have fallen on my feet and to be doing a job I love which hopefully makes a difference to the lives of others, albeit in a small way.

The King has had his plans to leave the old life behind thwarted by bad luck with old cars, however, again I am going to trust the universe that she had her reasons.......and this way I dont have to worry incessantly that they are stuck in the flood waters of SE QLD on their way through to us.

I am living every day, or rather TRYING to live every day as I mean to go on.  I am, I guess finally working on just BEING ME, learning to FORGIVE me, and being KIND to me.  I think I LIKE the new non judgemental, self criticising ME, and I want to keep her.   I think she DESERVES to savour a quiet moment with an old love, dark chocolate drops, and not feel guilty either.....

I choose to smile infectiously, its free, please take one.



xxx