Windy weather, Random thoughts and chocolate drops.....

I am rellishing the grey wet windy weather, throwing its weight around in the huge Jacaranda tree I can see from our back sunroom, where I sit now and type.  The horizon is just beautiful (memo to self post pics~!) a kaleidoscope of green hugging the river which snakes through the town....only the distant rumble of trucks reminds me I am not from a scene in Tess of the D'urbevilles......  

I am feeling so helpless in so many ways but have surrended myself to the will of the universe, or as I like to think of her 'Mother Nature'.....and have to have faith that She has good things in store for us here.  We fell to this place randomly like an autumn leaf being blown and tumbled through the air on a gust of wind.  Every time I think things are settling it whooshes me up again and, though I will say not for the worse at all, things change a little before they settle again. 

The squids are settling very nicely and making a lot of new friends, and infact are at a friend's place for a play right now, brave Mum......4 rowdy kids and wet weather makes for a tough playdate ;)

As much as I try to remember that we were coming to this region for the coast and the work there, I can feel myself being drawn into the life here, not unpleasantly, just surprisingly.....I have found a beautiful little acreage, which is wooded and slopes down to its very own lilly and duckfilled pond, am dreaming of the neighbouring kangaroos and kookaburra's which come to say hi everytime I venture down for ANOTHER look just to be .....sure, I guess that this IS what I want.........but when I turn the sweeping corner to the place tugging at my heart, I feel like I am at home already.  Fingers crossed they dont sell it before we sell our house ;)

I was driving home from work today, I am working as a Physio Aide at the new Nursing Home, and am loving it, am also playing Robinson Crusoe (Girl Friday) with the office and feel, as corny as it sounds, ALIVE.  I dont feel used and overworked as I have let myself be in the past.  I now recognise that I let that happen, it wasn't about external forces at all.

I feel humbled by the universe for trusting me to look after these people.  ......This is my new mantra, and I need to remind myself how lucky I am to have fallen on my feet and to be doing a job I love which hopefully makes a difference to the lives of others, albeit in a small way.

The King has had his plans to leave the old life behind thwarted by bad luck with old cars, however, again I am going to trust the universe that she had her reasons.......and this way I dont have to worry incessantly that they are stuck in the flood waters of SE QLD on their way through to us.

I am living every day, or rather TRYING to live every day as I mean to go on.  I am, I guess finally working on just BEING ME, learning to FORGIVE me, and being KIND to me.  I think I LIKE the new non judgemental, self criticising ME, and I want to keep her.   I think she DESERVES to savour a quiet moment with an old love, dark chocolate drops, and not feel guilty either.....

I choose to smile infectiously, its free, please take one.



xxx

Ive met the Freddo Frog!!!

  We have had a pretty unproductive last few weeks, I am feeling totally lost and not absorbed into the new 'not working all the time' life...kids are enjoying their new cute school and the 70's inspired house is a scream.  I am LOVING spoiling my Mum, cooking every night and cleaning but sooooooooo bored I am reduced to exercising *collective gasps were heard from herer, thats VERY rude you know!* and being chaed by moster sized goats running open on the roads...sounds cuter than it is believe me! 

I am PC free for the first time in years and I feel so shackled to the moment it trully is very freaky.  I am in the public libarary at the moment which is a nice tribute to the hippy in me anyway....

The King is tweaking the house in Darwin to sell, apparently very s-l-o-w-l-y...and I am silently having little panic attacks about finances under my doona at night :(

I am living in a cute little (read dead quiet) hamlet and aside from the views it has amazing cute teensy little green frogs, so perfect you could err eat them?  NO, but I do stalk them late at night with my camera......

so I have a claim to fame, I have met the Freddo frog!

Thanks for popping by, will try to be more on the ball with updates!

xx

Do I dare say it out loud?

......pssss, come over here and I'll whisper it to you........

I think I may have my georgeous little boy back.....

He had run out of his prescription for Singulair over the weekend, and we had been toying with the idea of weaning him off it due to many complications, some of which include, hysterical tantrums out of the blue, night terrors, puffy face, hallucinations and did I mention hysterical random tantrums???  where we all end up losers? 

Anyway, at some point the King and I agreed that it would be better for his self esteem and the family in general to have him off these tablets and watch his asthma for a while to see if he has improved enough to need treatment only as it presents.  He has been on something or rather since he was 3 months old, and frankly I am worried what this will mean for his health long term.   The Dr. poo pooed my concerns based on research prior to him going on it, and agreed maybe we should do a trial weaning after hearing the issues, however this was just before we left to go to Vietnam and as he said, timing was pretty bad.  We refilled that prescription and have just run out now.

I was so paranoid the first night, waiting for terrible reactions, asthma flare up and barking in the wee hours, feeling sick and more hysterical tantrums.  NOPE, all I have seen ( and this is the end of the dreaded 'day 3' as advised by the pharmacist) is my beautiful boy who has been on so many steroids and chemicals I have only seen snatches of him so far in his first 5 years.  Enough to know he is charismatic and charming but also prone to impulsive and wild 'behaviours'.  He has not displayed any.....at all, in fact he has been singing, 'I'm a singaLET, I'm a singalet', complete with Beyonce booty dance and has been giggling so much, I'd never heard him laugh so much its beautiful.  I have had more than my fair share ( but who's complaining) of impulsive HUGS, not slaps...HUGS today and the only time I had to reprimand him today was because when we were shopping, he was playing with his sister TOO MUCH....


Sissy does not know how to take him, she normally has to resort to having her own tantrum to be heard and though he was nice all day, she is understandably a bit wary when he runs over to throw his arms around her for a cuddle...normally he would probably have knocked her flying for a piece of Lego or similar.


No complaints from Spidey about 'aching legs' or headaches today, no troubles getting off to sleep either since Friday night, no puffy face like he is having a reaction to some allergen, no night terrors, no hysterical tantrums, no nasty behaviours, not hyped and impulsive at all really.  He seems to have more energy and be thinking clearly, eg he asked me on Friday night for his 'doggy with the thingy on his head'....tonight he asked for his 'black doggy with the sad eyes, the one with antlers' (xmas toy)...its like he can articulate ideas better.  In the last few days he has also been using emotive words to describe how he feels instead of flaring up.  I am amazed.

I will write a small disclaimer though, while this treatment has not come without its failings, Asthma is a very serious illness and one that prior to its use, had him based on long term steroid treatment which has very real side effects of its own and was not as reliable in preventing attacks, resulting in many hospital visits and many many nights stuck in a steamy bathroom and on a ventilator....and behavioral issues as a side effect aswell. 

However.....so far, we have a happy healthy child,  and a happy  HOUSEhold...WIN WIN.

I will keep you all posted!

x